I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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