At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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