i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
