some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
