it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
