Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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