Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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