you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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