Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
