i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
