he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
