I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
