i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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