my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
