does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
