My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
