Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
