I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
