Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
