my mouth tastes like poor choices
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
