Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
