I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
