dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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