I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
