I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
