Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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