Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
