I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
