i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
