i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
