i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need to calm my uterus...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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