Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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