yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
