Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
