Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
