porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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