im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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