You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
