i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
