had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
