I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
