Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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