you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
jump out the window naked night went bad
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
