oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
