so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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