dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
