that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
