Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
