zippers are such a cool invention
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
