R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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