somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
