A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
