3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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