I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
