Ambien. No doubt about it.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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